In the beginning I felt very secluded in my adventure as a young stepmother and had had mild anxiety about the whole idea. I had nobody to talk to, my friends and family couldn't really relate to it. I was 21 years old taking on the responsibility of playing mom to a 4 year old. My partner is 8 years older than me and a wonderful father. The bio-mom is a great person, we get along, we aren't best buddies but we do our best to be grown up and mature. It has not always been easy and we have overcome many differences and challenges. Becoming a step-mom is the best thing that ever happened to me.
My five most important step-parenting lessons:
1. You are not their mother. You don't have all the same rights and privileges as the woman who gave birth to them. You can have a meaningful, loving, influential relationship with your stepchildren, embrace it, and make the most of it. 2. Silence is the best policy. One of the hardest parts about being a step-mom is the need to keep quiet about the tough stuff. Let the bio-mom and dad sort out their differences - do not meddle! 3. It’s okay to take a step back. A good step-mom is physically/emotionally available when her step-kids need her and want her to be– and she backs off and becomes a behind-the-scenes supporter to her husband’s parenting when they don’t. 4. Protect your marriage at all costs. You and your husband need to be each others refuge, particularly when you’re having issues with your children or stepchildren. Your stepchildren need to see you and your husband stay together and fight for your relationship, even when times are tough, they have already been through one divorce and don't need another one. 5. You can’t fix what you didn't break. I spent the first few years trying to do a whole lot of fixing. I really thought I could solve everything and everyone if I just tried hard enough. What a waste of energy. So many issues a blended family faces come from the divorce, which the stepmother (hopefully) had nothing to do with. As wonderful as I’m sure you are, you can’t fix that.
I am wiser. I am gentler with myself. I am more reluctant to judge others. I am a far better person than I would have been without my stepdaughter. Our family is still a work in progress and always will be. It is not all doom and gloom - in fact it can AWESOME!